Hear vs Listen

So one of the things I've noticed in my life is how WAY too many people tell me things they probably shouldn't be. I'll have complete strangers tell me their life story. What the hell?

I wondered for a long time what the hell was going on. Then the subject came up with my mom one time. We were talking about how people we know and also how people we've never met before in public situations will tell us everything going on in their lives.

Still... WTF?! The things I've heard... Which I'm not going to repeat because that's betraying someone's trust but still, why do people tell us things they probably wouldn't with others?

I've come to the conclusion that the problem is that a lot of people right now are thinking in their head what they're going to say next instead of actually taking in what the other person says. Why don't people listen any more? Or was it just that nobody actually listened in the first place?

I think we're definitely living in a very narcissistic culture right now with social media being so popular. So is it always "Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!" or is it "I have such a low self-esteem that I need people to constantly validate me"? Probably a little bit of both.

People don't even realize they're doing it. That's what is scary to me. I don't need you take another selfie or a picture of your food and post it online! Thanks!

Do I get really fucking mad when I'm trying to talk to someone about a real problematic issue and they're not even listening and change the subject? Fuck! Yes! I do! Then I realize that most people are distracted by the issues that they're dealing with on a regular basis and that is completely valid. So I just take a deep breath and let it go.

Now, I'm not being altruistic here or patting myself on the back for being such a great listener. I fucking hate how sarcasm is lost in text. God damn it! We need something everywhere to indicate that. Seriously!

Anyway! Back to the subject. Honestly, I hate talking about myself anyway. I think that because I hate talking about myself and that I'm genuinely interested in the lives of others is why I do well at listening.

Okay, now when it comes to listening there is always the listener giving feedback portion of the conversation. I have no problem sounding like an idiot. But usually, my advice whenever someone is having an issue with another human being they're close to is:

1. See it from their point of view - It sounds easy but the majority of people don't do this. Again, you're wrapped up in your own issues and your own perspective. Take a step back and think about what they might have to be dealing with on a daily basis.

2. Talk with them - Don't talk AT them. Ask for their feedback. Best thing to do is ask them, "Why do you say this when we talk? Have an open discussion where both parties talk and the other actually listens and takes it in, and then take turns doing both

Btw, I have no professional credentials so DON'T SUE ME!

Now getting back to why strangers tell me completely personal things? I figure it's because it's safe. It's like those scenes in a movie where the main character's narrative cuts to the main character telling the old man/woman sitting beside the main character on a park bench and then that same stranger comes up with a wonderful pearl of wisdom.

I'm probably the furthest thing from wise, but telling a stranger your life story who's actually willing to listen is safe. You'll never see them again and never have to worry about the embarrassment of them knowing everything. It's probably very freeing... But how the fuck should I know? I've never done that to a stranger. I'm always on the receiving end.

A good point of reference of what it's like (and honestly, it's the closest thing I could find) is an indie movie called Mumford. It's about a guy who's a psychologist who is NOT actually a psychologist who's last name is Mumford and he opens up a practice in a town called Mumford. It's the story of him trying to help some of the members of the town... and getting into a lot of trouble with the law. Well, here's the trailer for it:

Except for illegally becoming a psychologist it's the closest I can explain to what it's like. His explanation of how he came up with the idea to be a fake psychologist.

In conclusion, just try to take in what the person sitting or standing in front or beside you is saying and not just about what you're going to say next.

Thanks for reading my rant! If you want to email me it's inthemindofvegray@gmail.com or please leave a comment. Thanks!