Bullying

*Just to be clear I don't have a PhD, I don't have any credentials to back this up. This is purely from my own life experiences and my basic understanding of psychology.*


I hate the word "Bully". It makes the whole thing sound juvenile, like it's not a real problem. Let's call it what it is: Harassment. It doesn't just happen when you're a child or teenager. There are bullies out there in adulthood. Don't get me wrong, most adults are mature enough to move on from this, so dealing with it as an adult is not very common.

But there are those that never grew up or they have something going on in their lives that make them regress back to when they were in school.

I'm a victim of bullying. Did it have long term effects even into adulthood? Yes. Sorry to all the parents of children who have been dealing with this, but it's true. There are many ways in which I was affected and too many to name here. In other ways it made me a lot stronger in the end. "I'm a survivor, I'm not gonna give up, I'm not gonna stop, I'm gonna work harder." And all that wonderful stuff from that Destiny's Child song.

Over the years I've looked back on it to try to figure out why it happened and then when my nieces started to go through it and I took a really hard look at the situation. Everyone is a participant when bullying/harassment happens and here are the basic groups of people during any kind of incident.

1. The Ring Leader: Your basic Rachel McAdams from Mean Girls. The kid who pushes you into a locker and does most of the talking. Usually the one kids think about when they're being bullied this person comes to mind as someone they honestly wished didn't exist.

What my mother told me when I was a kid and I think is really still true to this day is that they're so unhappy in their own life for whatever reason and they don't know how to express it so they take it out on someone else to make themselves feel better. Sure, that's simplifying the situation but in most cases it does turn out to be true.

2. The Kids Who Join In: The one egging the Ring Leader on or joining in on whatever they're saying or doing. Usually they do this for the same reasons as the Ring Leader but there's also the fact they do this because they want to appear cooler or become popular.

3. The Kids Who Ignore It: They're the ones passing by who pretends it's not happening. It's either they don't have the courage to stand up to bullies or (and this one is the most true) they don't want the attention thrown their way. When good men do nothing and all that.

4. The Victim: As much as you want to stop bullying it's probably not going to go away any time soon. I'm not saying don't try to stop it but if someone really wants to do it they will. The best thing to do is to find the strength within yourself. It's not going to last forever. Always keep in mind that if you can get through it, it will make you a stronger and better person afterwards.

The other thing you can do is find someone who will listen. If you can't talk to a parent, talk to another adult, teacher or family friend about it. If you feel you can't do that then find the thing that makes you happy and focus on that.

When I was a kid, I would talk to my mother. At other times I was always writing. I also was into fandoms as a kid before they were called fandoms. I would use my imagination to escape the situation. It still works for me today. In other words, find an outlet. Take what you love and put all of your emotions into it.

If you're brave enough, here's another suggestion: When the Ring Leader is alone and coming for you just stop them and honestly ask "What's wrong?" Trust me there will be confusion but honestly ask them why they feel the need to hurt you all the time. Ask them what's going on in their own life that makes them so obviously unhappy. It will stop them in their tracks because no one ever asks them.

Bullies and the victims go through the same thing and they don't even know it. Low self-esteem, feeling like no one cares, anger. The difference is that victims take out their feelings on themselves where bullies take it out on others.

Before I forget...

5. The Brave Ones: The ones who actually see bullying happen and stop it. This is unfortunately very rare. If anyone has the courage to do it then by all means, please do so,

My problem has been that because I was a victim I desperately want to be a Brave One, but my insecurities sometimes pop into my head stopping me. There have been times though where I've been pushed to my limit and I will step up for myself and/or others.

There's also walking away from the situation. Sometimes people are just not worth it. Learning when to fight back and when to walk away is one of the most difficult things to figure out. Everyone is different on what their limits are.

My take on it: If it's someone I don't know then I don't care. I just walk away. If it's someone I know and see on a regular basis then I will deal with it. I only care if it's friends or family who try to pull this crap on me, then they get an ear full. Usually I wait until my anger has dissipated to the point where I'm not going to say something I'm going to regret.

The thing to keep in mind is that you want to stop the behaviour, not hurt their feelings so badly that there's no coming back from that.

Anyway, I can go on and on about this issue until I'm blue in the face. I'll probably write more later but for now, thanks for reading my rant.

Review of Arrow Episode 2x21 "Al Sah-Him"

WARNING! SPOILERS AHEAD!






Come on, you have to admit it, Oliver looks bad ass as the Heir to the Demon. Okay, so put that aside and I love how I watched the promo of this episode last week and everything in the promo was turned on it's head.

They captured Diggle, it's not really Diggle. He goes after Nyssa, captures Nyssa and she doesn't end up dead. I shouldn't really be surprised since that is Ra's Al Ghul's daughter. But the twist, Ra's is making Oliver and Nyssa get married. Yeah, because forcing your daughter to marry Oliver is going to make her straight... Sure... Yeah, NO!

Oh father's stuck in their old school ways. It is very common, but in some ways it very much reminds me of some plots found around royalty. To unite the two kingdoms and force an alliance, our two children will get married and rule all of it. Yeah, sure, because that works and they just love duty. (The sarcasm is strong in this one)

I'm waiting for the moment for Oliver to break out of his mind control and come back. What are they going to call Arrow if he doesn't? Heir to the Demon? Yeah, doesn't have the same ring to it.

What I found very annoying were some of the comments I found online like, "Felicity sucks this season." and, "How did Oliver take down Nyssa so easily after he's only been with the League for 3 weeks and she's been there her entire life." And let's not forget, "How did Diggle last longer in the fighting than Nyssa did?"

First, regarding Felicity... Yeah, I kind of agree. We need some more of her quirky humour back. I miss it so much. Let's break the tension in 3...2...1... It's very much needed back. I understand how it's more serious because of everything that's happened this season but come on writers! We need that Felicity again. You know, usually I hate it when (supposed) fans complain about a character losing some of the original characteristics you know and love when you first got to know them. God forbid a character grows and changes, but Arrow is sooooooo serious now that it's a bit too much.

Second, regarding Nyssa and Diggle... After watching this show for 3 years it has been explained so MANY times that it hurts my brain when people forget. When it comes to fighting your own psychological state has a lot more to do with it than fighting ability. I'd have to say 10-20% of it is fitness and training and the rest of it is your state of mind.

Nyssa was at a place where she was giving up. She's lost Sara, the love of her life, she's been kicked out of Nanda Parbat and shunned by her father. She wanted to die if that's where her life was heading. In her mind she probably saw it as a way to die a noble death and be with Sara again. With Diggle he had a lot to live for. His wife was in danger and he has a daughter to live for, there's everything for him in this life to live for as long as he possibly can.

That's where the flash backs come in. I'm pretty sure that's why Maseo (or whatever you want to call him) gave up. I was pretty damn sure while watching the show that the kid had died since we first saw Maseo in the League in the present time. There's nothing worse than your kid dying before you do and I knew that is what happened with Maseo and Tatsu. The death of a child will also usually put a huge wedge into any relationship. It's a driving force in reality and fiction.

One thing I do have to say that I do like how Oliver isn't whining any more as Al Sah-Him. His constant complaining previously had gotten on my nerves. Don't get me wrong, he has everything to complain about, but now he just does what he thinks needs to get done and isn't constantly questioning himself.

Once they get Oliver back, I do hope he keeps that one aspect. That he won't be questioning every decision he has to make and constantly apologizing for them. He does what needs to be done and if things go south then deal with it. He really needs to let up on some of his guilt. I'm hoping this transformation will help him with that in the future.



Well, thanks for reading my rant. Please like and share and email me or comment below.

Review of Marvel's Daredevil (A Netflix Original)

WARNING! SPOILERS AHEAD! (I should really just call this the spoiler room)

So I just finished binge watching Daredevil in a day and a half. I can imagine a lot of you did. I just got into it from the many advertisements from it (and a friend), and yes that includes Entertainment Weekly and every other nerd source I've got out there.

I've heard a lot about this series. Some aspects (don't shoot me) remind me of Arrow. The gritty nature of it. The flashbacks especially remind me of Arrow, But the first half of the season had so much potential to be more than that. It was darker. The bad guys had a bigger influence on the city.

Then the second half of the season started to fall flat and and the "King Pin" Wilson Fisk started to go through his down fall. His down fall was falling in love. That's a big as any. You want to be a total control freak in the world of comic books? Don't have a weakness. Marvel, that's why Harley Quinn is so awesome. She was never a weakness. Just a play thing for the Joker.

Now I'm a good ol' feminist like the rest. Equal treatment to men! Yay! But what the heart of the matter is taking a dead franchise and making it seem awesome again. Watching it gave me some Batman trilogy by Christopher Nolan feels. Okay, let's be honest, it was seeping through the pores.

But! That's the highest form of flattery, right? Don't watch it while you're depressed. But it is so good! Watch it. That's all I have to say. It's worth the binge watching, and as I've recently learned, getting a second season! WHOOO! Fist pump in the air!

Seriously! I recommend anyone to watch it. It has it's bumps along the way like any first season would but it doesn't distract from the awesome acting and plot line of the show. It doesn't have like other shows of a first episodes come out and we get feed back right away. We get the entire first season and then starve for the second season! Thanks Netflix!

Binge watch to your hearts content and you won't be disappointed. Have fun in the nerdom like I so much love!

Thanks for reading my rant! Email me at inthemindofvegray@gmail.com or leave a comment below.

Arrow Season 3 Episode 20 "The Fallen"

WARNING! SPOILERS AHEAD!


I just saw Arrow's 3x20 episode. Holy shit! Oh My God! Transitional episode sure. But come on. Any other show would use this episode as a season finale. But not Arrow! That's what I love most about this show. That it doesn't use what is obviously the cut scene in the end of an episode or what should obviously be the season finale as an episode.

They've done it many times before where the typical This-is-where-it-ends in their episodes. Arrow has had many times where it could use any possibility as the end of the episode to leave people hooked or as a season finale to have the same end result but fortunately, Arrow doesn't do that.

Honestly, they could have used tonight's episode as the season finale and rightly so. Olicity finally happened. Come on, there's so many people out there who want Oliver and Felicity to happen that it's unreal, and then Oliver finally joined the League of Assassins. It was bound to happen. Ra's Al Ghul forced him into it.

Let's face it, Oliver will do anything for his sister. Die for her, join the League of Assassins for her.  Blah, blah, blah. He will do anything for her. Oh Ra's, you turn the entire city against me? I don't care. You nearly killed my sister and the doctors are recommending that I pull the plug? Okay! I'll join the League.

I get the very strong feeling that the writer's are trying to say that familial love is stronger than romantic love... Which in some cases it is. It definitely is stronger in Arrow. Is that the message the writers are trying to portray? Maybe. I'm not psychic.

I saw the trailer for next week. Seems they capture Diggle to get Oliver to kill him to fully commit. Will that happen? Probably not. People love Diggle too much. How it will play out is the question. That's always the question with Arrow. How will things play out from week to week. No one knows for certain. They'll tell you one thing and then something completely different will happen instead.

I have one request. Please stop with the Olicity spoilers! I don't want to know about Olicity happening in the next episode. I don't want to know about the first kiss and the whole getting-it-on in the next episode! I'm an Oliciter. I'd liked to be surprised!

For anyone saying they're copying what happens in Batman: In the comics Oliver Queen is older than Bruce Wayne. So it stands to reason that Ra's Al Ghul tried this before with Oliver Queen, Plus! Anything they do on Arrow has to be approved by DC Comics so if there is anyone having an issue that they're ripping off Batman then just SUCK IT! If DC is giving them a go ahead then it should be good enough for us.

I will always love the show Arrow. *cue music!*

Thanks for reading my rant. Please email me at inthemindofvegray@gmail.com or leave me a comment. Thanks

Game of Thrones Season 5 Premiere Episode Review

SPOILERS AHEAD!


So was anyone else thrown off by the opening scene at first or was it just me? Turned out to be a younger Cersei. Okay, so a witch predicted that everything would be screwed up for her. Yay! Shocker. It's Game of Thrones, nothing ever goes as planned. Well, then it wouldn't be an awesome TV Show.

I like GOT for it's (what I like to call) WTF!!! Moments. Maybe because we're into season 5 but I just don't feel there were any in this episode. It happened that way in season 4. The first couple of episodes were on the side of I-could-take-them-or-leave-them episodes and then it was HOLY-CRAP!-That-was-awesome! episodes. It's probably going to happen this season too.

The moments I REALLY LOVED in this episode were between Varys and Tyrion. The line Varys has of "Who said anything about him?" was fantastic. I'm not gonna lie. I did a fist pump... And I also saw that in the trailer. I don't fucking care. The build up to that line and then the delivery was fantastic.

Then there was the earlier scene where Varys let's him out of the crate and that was pretty freaking funny.

Tyrion: Do you know what its like to stuff your shit through one of those air holes?

Varys: No, I just know what its like to pick up one of your shits and throw it overboard.

Priceless! The sass is strong with these two.

Over in the gigantic pyramid we have who everyone loves. Daenerys Targaryen. That Unsullied who got murdered and it was pretty sad. He has no balls (literally) and he has to pay a whore to cuddle and sing to him. Fuck. Then the bitch betrayed him and let someone in to murder him. What the fuck?! Lesson of today kids! Don't trust whores. At all. Ever. Okay, well that lesson was taught awhile ago in GOT but eh *shrugs*.

Another thing is that Daenerys has lost control of the dragons. Shocker! What pissed me off last season is that she punished the two dragons by locking them up for what the third dragon did. What the hell! Dumb fucking move on her part. I don't understand why she's being all strong and everything around her people, but a scared idiot around her dragons.

Be strong and be dominate! Show them who's boss! They'll listen. There has to be a reason for all those stories about previous Targaryens many generations back being able to control full grown dragons and riding them into battle. Channel your ancestors!

Then there's the King of North of the Wall wouldn't kneel to Stannis Baratheon. Why do all the good guys die? Oh yeah! Because they have morals and honor and blah, blah, blah. So.... He got burned alive. Well almost. Jon Snow put an arrow threw him to save him from a horrible fucking way to die. Here's my question: How much shit is Jon Snow going to be in for doing that?

What am I looking forward to? The scene finally where Tyrion meets Daenerys and sees the dragons for the first time. I think it will be pretty fucking epic.

What did you think about the episode? What are you looking forward to? Please leave me a comment or email me at inthemindofvegray@gmail.com.

Thanks for reading my rant!

A Review of Bitten The TV Show

WARNING! SPOILERS! If you haven't watched the Season 2 Finale.

Background on the series:

Bitten The TV Show is a Canadian program that airs on the Space Channel and it's pretty awesome. It's (loosely) based on the books written by Canadian author Kelley Armstrong called The Otherworld series.

The series is about the North American pack of werewolves lead by Jeremy Danvers (played by Greg Bryk). Some of the wolves are born into it (meaning their biological fathers were werewolves too) and some were bitten and turned, like Clay (played by Greyston Holt) and Elena (played by Laura Vandervoort).

Elena is special because throughout werewolf history only male werewolves existed and Elena is the first woman to be bitten and live. Any woman who was bitten before always died from it.




Now to review it:

I've read the books, all of them, and I'm a huge fan of the series. It was the first time a book series that I love got made into a TV show or a movie. There have been plenty of times where I saw the movie or TV show first and then read the books (Harry Potter anyone?).

The reason I say that it's loosely based on the books is because they took the book series and changed SO MUCH OF IT. The characters and general plot is the same but hardly anything else.

For instance, the whole love triangle in the first season between the lead of the show, Elena, her ex Clay. and current love interest Philip (played by Paul Greene) didn't exist in the book series. In the book Philip was like an after thought. There was no Elena going back and forth between the two guys, or going back and forth between Toronto and New York state constantly either. (sigh) I'm fucking sick of love triangles.

Anyway, Philip is gone in the second season so there was none of that. Thank God!

Plus the HUGE amount of sex in the TV show. What is with that? In the books the sex scenes were implied but the author just skipped it and went back to the plot. Plus, there were not that many sex scenes implied in the book series to begin with. I think there is a little too much sex on the TV show. Most of the sex scenes feel like time filler.

So, the first season is all about the unrest between pack and mutts. Seriously, go watch the first season. Like most first seasons it's pretty slow. But it introduces you to the characters and their dynamics.

But the second season... WHOOO BOY! The werewolves discovering they're not the only supernatural thing out there. They're introduced to witches. But come on, you didn't know there were other supernatural beings out there for thousands of years? Yeah, that plot hole was in the books too. 

Now there are a LOT of things different in the series from the books. The main baddy for the second season is Aleister (played by Sean Rogerson). He didn't exist in the books. The Undoing wasn't in the books either. In the books it was about a group of humans knowing that supernatural beings existed and experimenting on them. 

So like people who have never read the books I didn't know what the fuck was happening or what was going to happen next. In my opinion, I think it was a smart move. I wasn't bored watching it. I didn't watch an episode thinking in my head (yeah, and this happens next). Nope! None of that. 

For those who have never read the books or watched the TV show I think you will find it interesting. There are a lot of dynamics and so many different plots and subplots going on at the same time that it keeps you glued to it and makes you wonder what's going to happen in the next episode. 

So please go and check it out at The Space Channel to see past episodes and also watch After Bite where they discuss the episode that just aired with the cast and crew. 

Here's a trailer for you:

Have fun watching! Thanks for reading my rant and please email me at inthemindofvegray@gmail.com or leave a comment below.

Why the HELL do we drink?

UH! Why do we drink?

(Disclaimer: Yes, this is a very touchy subject. These are only my personal views. It's okay if you disagree.)

The point of this post comes from a very real moment. It's Sunday and I'm dealing with the hangover from hell. Why the hell did I do that last night?! Said anyone who has ever been drunk.

We ask ourselves this every single time we have a hangover, and the honest answer is! (I need a drum roll emoji) Because when you're out with your friends at a bar and everyone is having a good time it sucks to be the only one sober. I've been the designated driver more times than I can count.

 There's also the fact that time takes on a different status when you're drunk. When I'm sober I'm bored out of mind. Yeah, there's the dancing and laughing and talking to friends, but honestly, when you're with a group of people and you're sitting there and no one is talking to you, you're bored.

There's also the matter of lowered inhibitions. I am willing to make an ass out of myself when drunk. The people around you give non-verbal permission. You have an excuse, plus you'll have a great story for later. (Yeah, yeah, you can have great stories when you're sober too, don't get me wrong.)

Now, I don't drink often. Once in a while I find myself doing so. A reasonable amount you might say. I hate hangovers. Plus hangovers coupled with my allergies and EVERYONE I KNOW lives in a different city than me (and I have to sleep over) and ALL OF THEM have pets. Just shoot me.

Now I'm not saying that drinking is a good thing. In moderation it can be fun. If you don't drink then good on you. If you don't want to drink ever or at all, then DON'T! Don't fall for peer pressure. If someone is trying to force you into doing it then just walk away.

Now the first time I got drunk was when I was the legal drinking age (which is 19 in Canada) and I did it at home with my parents. They stayed sober and looked after me. (I have a great but some consider unusual relationship my parents. Every single person who meets them always tells me how awesome they are and I do agree,) It was my idea. I bought it and I did it. I was in a very safe environment for my first time.

Since then I've always done it responsibly. When I'm at my friend's place I always sleep over, I never drive once I've started to drink and taxis are the shit (well, except for how much it costs). If you're going to drink PLAN AHEAD!

In conclusion, we're stupid human beings who want to have a good time every once in awhile and need some proverbial lubrication to get it started. Hence! Alcohol.

Just to get a little too real right now, if you're going to drink, do it responsibly. Everyone knows the reasons why!




Now, how to deal with hangovers...

1. Preventative method: Drink water, eat some bread (if you're not allergic to it), and try to sober up a bit before you sleep
2. Sleep for as long as possible!: I don't care if you're sleeping in until 4 pm, just do it. I find it helps to avoid throwing up the next day
3. When you wake up: Bathroom (always be somewhere there is a bathroom!), Drink water and eat food slowly at first. Again with the water and bread. 
4. Slowly!: Graduate yourself after an hour or two to tea or coffee and get some greasy food into you (sounds like a recipe for disaster but it actually works. Unless you're severely nauseous then NO, just NO!) Eggs are your friend when hungover. 
5. Take a multiple vitamin with your food
6. Just accept the fact that you and your tv or computer are going to be best friends for the rest of the day
7. PJS! Comfy PJS! Guess what I'm wearing right now. 
8. Diiiiiiid I mention water?! Drink a lot of water throughout the rest of the day. 

Now there are scientific reasons for all of these and my mind is drawing a blank... Because I'm hungover! My mind is blanking. The brain farts are strong with this one. 

I'm imagining right now people are saying "But V! What about taking Tylonol or Advil? You forgot about that." No, I didn't. I usually avoid trying to take them because alcohol is hard on your liver and so are ALL over the counter pain killers. The two of them together is just a bad idea. Huh... I guess I did remember something scientific. 

Seriously, you can google all of this and find articles on it. I'd link some pages but... UHHHHHH! There are SOOO MANY! Plus, brain farts. 

Now if there are any typos in this, well, the answer to that is obvious. So thanks for reading my rant! If you want to email me it's inthemindofvegray@gmail.com or please leave a comment. Let's get a conversation going! Have fun! Drink responsibly! Or don't. Whatever you want to do is up to you. Thanks everyone! 

P.S. Please add me on on Google+. The more readers and feedback I get the more I'll consider adding myself to other social media like Facebook and Twitter and all that.